Time to be honest.
Sorry long post. If you don’t wanna read it, let me sum it up for you:
- I need a new job.
- I need to hit the gym again and don’t quit this time.
I guess you have noticed that I didn’t post much the past couple of weeks. I just didn’t felt like it. I was going through some rough times at work. My workload is insane but if I don’t finish all my tasks for that day my boss gets very mad at me and yells. This was/is mentally very hard to deal with.
The last two week I had off and was on vacation in Amsterdam and spent the rest at my parents for my birthday and at home by myself, mainly catching up with TV-shows. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I realize how unhealthy this work situation is for me. I woke up this morning and since then I have this bad feeling in my gut, I’m afraid to go back to work. I’m afraid I go to work tomorrow and something has happened and I get all the blame for it. This has happended before. I just don’t want to get yelled at anymore. I’m not coping with it very well.
I’ve been looking at this one job ad for like 3 or 4 weeks. It’s such a nice job and I really should apply, but in the back of my head I’m afraid of quitting my job… But I guess it’s time to be selfish and do what’s best for me and don’t think so much about my boss, his company and my co-workers.
Because I’m struggling so hard with my mental health, I didn’t felt like working out and to be honest I didn’t had the energy for it either. So I haven’t been to the gym for like 4 weeks or so. And this is what always happens. I hit th gym for like 4-6 weeks regularly and then something happens (mostly something work related) and I stop going because I don’t have the time or energy or I’m simply not in the mood. But I can’t make any progress like that. I have to start from zero again every single time. The amount of times I worked my squat up from 35 to 50kg is ridiculous. And it has to stop. I’m so tired of my own bullshit right now.
So tomorrow I’ll hit the gym at 5am and just start again. Get back in the groove and more importantly don’t stop after a few weeks. Even if I just do 30min of cardio, because I don’t ~feel~ like doing something hard, it’s still better than nothing.
Sorry for this long post, but I just needed to get that out there.